We’ve all been there, haven’t we? You meet a cute guy who is socially conscious, up on the latest trends in art and music and is seemingly perfect. A few weeks later, you are stuck in a co-dependent mire with a man-child who is constantly between jobs and places to live. You have fallen for a fuckboi.
Dating fuckbois is pretty much inevitable in your 20s. Thier bitchassness is difficult to detect in the early stages of a relationship. By the time you do realize who they are, you’ve been publically embarrassed, sat through hours of shitty DJ sets/live shows, and ghosted.
Eventually, you learn to spot the red flags a mile away and they fade from your DMs. Unless, you are the problem. Let that sink in. If you keep dating the same “aspirational, but basic” dudes over and over, you are the constant and you are the problem. Not them. Not society. Not even the weird relationships they have with their mothers. Since you’re the problem, you are what we’re going to fix.
Take a deep breath, gather your feelings, and some tea, and keep reading.
Five Reasons You Are STILL Dating Fuckbois:
You don’t love yourself. Plain and simple. If you loved yourself you wouldn’t be dating someone who disrespects you. You would place your peace and happiness above a pathological need to be in a relationship. You also would nip his bullshit in the bud forcing him to shape up or ship out.
You aren’t really ready for a relationship. Relationships take work. For them to be healthy, happy relationships, both parties have to be healthy and happy on their own. If they are not, going into a relationship will only make things worse. Before relying on a relationship to fix your issues, look into therapy. Once you’ve taken time to gather and heal yourself, you’ll be ready to get into something real and lasting.
You worried ’bout the wrong things. (To quote the patron saint of fuckbois, Kanye West.) Everyone dates with their eyes first, there is nothing wrong with that. There is, however, something wrong with placing superficial things above someone being kind, responsible, trustworthy, etc. Only 16-year-olds and people with messed up priorities date based on looks alone.
You’re a fuckgirl. They do exist, and you very well may be one. Do you enjoy wasting a dude’s time? Is your Instagram a “thirst trap” full of half naked photos? Have you led guys on to get free meals, trips, shoes, or butt injections? You are a fuckgirl. The sooner you realize it, the sooner you can change your behavior. Unless you’re cool with who you are and who you’re dating. In that case, quit complaining.
You like the attention. It feels nice to have people express genuine concern for you and your feelings. Sadly, the only time some people get that kind of attention is when they play the victim. You are not a victim and do not need anyone’s attention that badly. Start loving yourself and get some new friends.
The minute you start focusing on fixing you, the guys you date will change. Men can smell a confident, no BS woman from a mile away. If they are real men, they’ll engage. If not, you’ll never know because they’ll keep walking.