Your friends are a direct reflection of you. I sound like such a mom saying that, but it is true. The company you keep will always reveal more about you than any Buzzfeed quiz will. While you aren’t exactly like your friends, you’re more like them than not. Even their bad habits that piss you off and disappoint you are mirrors for your bad behavior.
A good friend doesn’t feed you comforting lies, they always keep it 100. No matter how hard it may be or how you react, a friend who loves you will stand their ground and speak the truth. Friends who don’t keep it real either aren’t your friend or are reacting to you. Do you accept criticism or do you throw a fit like a toddler when someone says something you don’t like? Are you asking for advice or are you seeking confirmation? Are you 100% real with the people around you? Do you stand your ground or do you fold when a friend disagrees with your opinion? All of this right here is why you have a case of the fake people in your tribe.
I’d be lying if I said my friends have never let me down. They are human and all humans fall short no matter their intentions. If your friends are always falling short, you have a problem. That problem starts with you and your expectations. Most of us expect people to behave the way we would in situations instead of inspecting them to behave the way they would. I’m loyal to a fault, it’s the Virgo in me, and I used to expect my friends to be the same way. I used to get pissed when my friends didn’t “have my back” the way I wanted them to. As I grew more confident in me and my relationships, I realized they are loyal we just don’t express it the same way.
While we’re talking about letting you down, ask yourself when did you teach your friends it was ok to shirk their commitments? If you are flakey, you will attract flakey friends. The only flakey things I attract are croissants.
My circle is crazy small because I do not suffer fools, pettiness or gossip. Don’t get me wrong, I love talking shit and sipping tea as much as the next person. What I do not love is the unnecessary drama kicked up by spreading lies and rumors. If you’re a messy chick who lives for drama, you will always have to watch your back. These days, I’m too busy trying not to trip over my own feet to spend time watching my back. When I was in high school and college though, I loved a piping hot pot of tea and a great clapback. I also wore super thin brows and dark lip liner with clear gloss. I lived and learned so should you.
My pet peeve is people who want support but refuse to give it. They will call you for a shoulder to cry on and get ghost when you need one. These are the same people who want you to buy their lipsticks online but refuse to share your blog posts. Hell, they still have yet to like your business’s Facebook page but want you to write reviews for them on Yelp. These people are not your friends, they are opportunists. The friends I have who want all my love but never reciprocate have landed a spot on my do not entertain list. If your inner circle is full of opportunists and people who take but don’t give, how did they get there? Do you have clear boundaries set that they know not to cross? Do you respect yourself enough to call them out when they do? Are you earnestly supporting their dreams, goals, and progress?
The point here is not to blame you for anyone else’s hangups. Their actions are theirs alone. However, you have to be mindful of how your actions and thoughts make you complicit in their bullshit. At the end of the day, you can only fix you. A lot of the issues I mentioned can be fixed not by getting new friends but by loving yourself. When you are madly in love with you. people don’t value you cannot come into your space and stay there. That’s another reason why my circle is small but filled with positive people who love themselves and always have my back.