I say it, you say it, we all say it, “dating is the worst.” We go on and on about fuckbois, how social media has ruined dating, and the lack of available men, but what if it’s not them. What if, it’s us? Or better still, what if our bad attitudes about dating are keeping us single?
Hear me out, I know I am the poster child for team “dating sucks balls.” I whine, over wine, to any of my friends who will listen that dating is so hard for me. Not only am I being annoying AF but all my whining is keeping me from winning in the dating game. It is also the exact reason why you can’t find someone worth their salt to date you either. How Sway? To keep it simple, your thoughts and attitude inform your reality. (That’s part of that Universal Law Lauryn Hill talks about in Lost Ones.)
You ever met someone with a nasty attitude? You know, someone who is bitter and mad at the world for all the times things didn’t go according to plan. You probably aren’t friends with that person. I know I wouldn’t be. I also wouldn’t date that person. That person is who you are when you bitch and moan about how terrible men are. For the record, men aren’t terrible, some are but most aren’t. Your incessant focus on the ones who are is magnifying them. Soon you go from “I can’t deal with fuckbois” to “all men are fuckbois” to “I hate men” to “why can’t I find a good man.” This is unhealthy, change your attitude.
What about the people who have tough, defensive attitudes? I’m one of those people. After my grandmother’s death and my parent’s divorce, heartbreak was the worst thing to happen to me. I would not wish true heartbreak on my worst enemy. It kills hope and makes you wary of the world. Without hope or the ability to be vulnerable, you either become a bomb creative or you shut everyone out. I don’t consider myself the best writer but I do have a 300 mile long, 700 ft high wall around me. You know, to keep the White Walkers out who might hurt me because I’m sensitive. It also keeps out people who want to love me. That is unhealthy, I need to change my attitude.
On the flip side are the people with no walls and no boundaries who let everyone in. They go from one dude to the next without taking time to chill out and be themselves. People like this have clingy, needy, codependent attitudes. That attitude will always attract people who seek to exploit it. If you are an adult and being single for more than a week makes you break out in hives, you need to change your attitude.
Look, all of this goes way beyond the power of positive thinking. This is about changing your outlook to change your behaviors. Your vibe, or attitude, does attract some people and repel others. Might as well take the time to make sure the vibe you’re putting out is attracting a bae who loves, respects, honors and feeds you.
Photo: The Impression