Most times we think about lying as something that happens between two people. You tell me your Cuban grandma taught you to make taco pies from a box and I smile and nod.When it comes lies, however, the most damaging ones are the ones we tell ourselves. These faux narratives we repeat and believe block us from being our most authentic selves. Since being true to you is the key to happiness and success, please stop lying to yourself.
You ain’t gotta lie, Craig.
My first year or so as a blogger way back in 2008 was pretty damn good. This was long before infleuncers highjacked every social media feed to sell you shit. Back then, I ran my streetwear blog, Seeing Pink Elephants, from my mom’s deck in my American Apparel bodysuits. I covered new music, streetwear, not street style, events, and general pop culture with a ton of attitude and lots of laughs. I used that blog to get a position as a contributor on a MissOmniMedia and a few other sites. Had I stuck it out, I would probably be living in NYC like Vashtie or Shiona but I didn’t.
By 2010 the blogger landscape was changing. The girls I followed started getting bigger and better checks for sponsored content and affiliate posts. I wanted in on the money so I pivoted. I lost my bamboo earrings, at least two pair, my long nails and everything that made me, me. At the same time, I started obsessing over other bloggers and comparing myself to them. I was constantly saying “well her parents are rich” or “she used to work at People StyleWatch so she has ins” or “she lives in New York it’s a better blogger market.” Even when I was running my most creative and successful blog, La Gamine, I blamed my partners and everyone else when things didn’t go well. Instead of saying “I’m not growing because I’m in the wrong lane” I spent years lying to myself.
Why you always lying?
We all tell ourselves comforting lies at some point or another. It’s easier to believe everything is out of our control than to take responsibility for our fuckups. Maybe, just maybe, your blog isn’t flourishing because you aren’t creative or blogging isn’t your ministry. Maybe you didn’t get a promotion because every other sentence out of your mouth at work is, “that’s not my job”. Or, maybe life isn’t overwhelming you just don’t know how to set boundaries. Yes, there are a lot of things beyond your control that happen every day, those things aren’t your fault. When those things happen if you spend all day bitching and moaning about how life is unfair, then say “bad things always happen to me that’s why I can’t progress,” you’re lying to yourself fam. Bad things happened to Oprah and she persisted.
At the end of the day, I don’t care if you have to lie to me about having a Cuban grandma to feel better about yourself. What I do care about is you lying to yourself about your motivations, purpose, and goals. In both instances, the only one that doesn’t know you’re lying is you.