“If I was lying on my deathbed and I had kept this secret and never ever did anything about it, I would be lying there saying, ‘You just blew your entire life. You never dealt with yourself,’ and I don’t want that to happen.” – Caitlyn Jenner Vanity Fair
I have never been anything but a cisgendered, heterosexual woman. There is nothing about me that could begin to understand the lifetime that Caitlyn Jenner endured, feeling wrong or bad because her outside didn’t match her inside. What I do understand, is the deep longing to live a truly authentic life without apology or regret, which is why I am humbled and inspired into action by her story.
My life for the past year or so has been blown way off track, to the point where I wake up every morning feeling as though I am holding someone else’s life hostage. The job I go to that is unfulfilling, uninspiring, unbearable, and has me underpaid, is not mine. The apartment I share with my brother, in a neighborhood that I’m so-so about, isn’t where I want to be. Oh, and I’m single with no kids when everyone my age in a 50 mile radius has three kids. (That last one doesn’t bother me that much because I’ll have kids eventually, but I threw it in for dramatic effect.)
The point is, I’m 30 not 80, and I have a whole lot of life left to live and I don’t want to spend it living someone else’s life.
* For the record, that means I am quitting my job, moving across the country, and running in the direction of my dream of working with brands I am batshit crazy about, having dinner parties on Saturday night in my gorgeous apartment, looking at my closet full of Equipment blouses and BB pumps, and reading books in the bathtub with my hot, British husband. I may be a bit flexible on some of these.