Self-love is my jam! It provides the foundation for every relationship and situation you enter. When you have it in abundance, life is brighter, everything fits, and your bounce back game is in tip-top shape. When you are lacking self-love, every one of your 99 problems is caused by its absence.
Loving and accepting all of you, all of the time is not easy. Let me rephrase that. Unlearning the lessons that taught you NOT to love yourself is hard work, but necessary. For me, learning self-love took years of coaching, therapy, and tearful sessions in front of my mirror. Despite being in a place where I can truly say I love who am, for better or for worse, I still have fat days or days when I feel like a failure. I just shake those moments off and keep it moving because no one ever got ahead by feeling sorry for themselves.
A blog post is nowhere near enough time to dive deep into healing your relationship with you. That’s why I’m sharing a few tips that helped me along my journey. Take them or leave them, it’s up to you.
Watch your mouth. Most of us are constantly negging ourselves. We are listing the things we don’t have, calling ourselves fat, and second guessing our abilities. If we were our best friends, we would send ourselves packing. You are your best friend, so start treating yourself like it. Start giving yourself the pep talks you give your best friends when they feel low and watch how your outlook changes.
Stop being judgemental. I’m not judgemental but I do judge mentals and people who constantly judge others do not love themselves. Putting people down to make yourself feel better only makes you feel small. Talking shit about people also happens to be exhausting and unattractive. Focus on your life and your career, and leave other people’s lives alone.
Take time for you. Taking time for you doesn’t have to be a Donna Meagle experience. It can be as simple as meditating 10 minutes a day or putting your phone away during dinner. It’s not about being lavish, which isn’t a bad thing, it’s about making yourself a priority.
Get comfortable with your dark. It’s easy to love yourself at your Beyoncé, but loving you at your worst is what counts. I’m not saying celebrate your mean streak, but acknowledge it and don’t beat yourself up about it. Getting comfortable with your dark side also allows you to work towards healing it. I am not half the mean girl I used to be simply because I acknowledge when I’m being mean. I’ve also grown up but that too took effort.
Check your squad. As I have gotten older my circle has gotten smaller, and boy am I grateful for that. If your inner circle is filled with more haters than lovers, you need to drop them. They are not your friends. Real friends love, support, and uplift each other. If don’t have that, shoot me an email and I’ll be your friend.
Fake it ’til you make it. You don’t have to believe you are beautiful, smart, and worthy right this second to start telling yourself you are. You see, a lie repeated often enough becomes the truth. No matter how you feel right now, go to your mirror, look yourself in the eye and say “I love you.” At worst you’ll feel silly and laugh. At best, a tiny corner of your brain will believe it. Now learn it, love it, live it.